We are all Addicts: Judgement is Our Drug

It is an unavoidable conversation in the media, locker rooms, grocery store line ups and amongst family and friends: vaccination or no vaccination; masks or no masks; the right to choose what goes in our bodies vs. the safety of the general public; biological warfare or accident; and on it goes...We've all been engaged in some form of conversation around the current world pandemic to some degree.

 I am not here to discuss the right and wrong of any of it. I am not here to advise you or persuade you or in any one direction. I believe there is a bigger danger to humanity than the virus that is rampaging through the world. Division. Wrong making. Judgment. My view is better than your view. I am right so you have to be wrong. "Those people" don't get it.

 Put aside that we are talking about a particular issue, and instead bring into view the fact that once friendly neighbors are no longer speaking but shouting at each other across a fence, co-workers who happily co-existed are sworn enemies, loving families have developed what may be irreparable rifts, not to mention the shit storm that is the current atmosphere on social media. 

As BC announced the introduction of vaccine passports that will require proof of vaccination to enter certain businesses deemed non-essential by the government, I braced myself. Not because I can't pivot one more time. Not because I agree or disagree. Not even because I am tired, like everyone else on the planet, but because I witnessed the rise of the worst in people and it happened immediately. There were those who I believe to be sensitive and kind individuals that became ugly and nasty. I saw tolerant people draw lines in the sand. I saw slander and hate and blame and shame and defensiveness and all of the things that divide us rear their ugly heads. It wasn't gradual. It was a massive and immediate reaction. Opinion after opinion dominated my social media feeds, the news channels, my inbox, and even my personal space. 

It is so tempting to jump into the fray and defend our points of view. After all, our points of view are how we make sense of the world.  It is tempting to blame others for where we are, after all, our way of doing things is the way we've been taught to think is the right way.  It is appealing to reassure ourselves that we've done what we can and it's "the other people" causing the problem, if you are honest, most of us are good at blaming and poor at taking personal responsibility for our problems.  In reality, we would rather be right about our point of view than be happy or peaceful. 

Being right about how we see the world, its problems, and what we should do about them isn't just a pastime, it's become a compulsion. Every time we see a debate (which is more like a knockdown, drag-out street fight) on social media our palms sweat, our heart rate rises, we formulate what we would say and why one person is an idiot and the other person is perfectly sane. After all, our worldview has been threatened, we must defend!  Our nervous system is stimulated as though we are going into battle. We then embark on a search to prove our rightness. Sometimes we look for evidence to back up our point of view in the media, in books, on tv, etc. More often we look for the easier and bigger hit of dopamine that comes with agreement from like-minded people. 

The problem as I see it is that in order for us to be right about something, we have to make someone else wrong; we are in judgment. Judging others used to be frowned upon and at least hidden behind niceties to some degree. As it has become more commonplace to see outright insults and slander spewed across the internet, we have normalized judgment and blame and shame as a way of communicating, as a premise of connection and belonging. "I am so glad you agree with me...we are in this together...the other guys are morons." 

 Judgment and complaint have become our addiction. I don't even know if we can talk about anything else anymore.  When I said it's tempting to get into the debate or to make others wrong, I am greatly understating its allure. Defending our point of view as the "right" one feels compelling, exciting, like a compulsion at times, so important we would lose friends and family over it.  Just like an addiction. 

I don't know a lot about science or politics or conspiracies or global pandemics. If I said I did, I would be lying. Even if I did, my view would only be part of the picture. So I have to lean into what I do know. I am a teacher of yoga. Yoga means yoking or union, sometimes translated as oneness. My work is to look at the places in me that are divisive, where am I judging and creating an "us and them" in my heart and mind? The way I see it, I have no business judging others until I am willing to confront my own tendency to judge, blame and desire to be right. I am as guilty as the next person for judgment is a powerful drug. I recognize this and am willingly heading into judgment rehab for a while. I intend to get quiet and listen to my heart, my intuition, and to allow myself to be guided towards healing, connection, and peace. It's not because I am some enlightened being, it's because I'm tired, I'm sad, and my heart is telling me there is a better way. Whenever I have listened to my heart I seem to wind up in wonderful places. 

I won't judge you for your opinions or even for judging others. I will just be over here working on my little spot in the universe. If you're tired, or if you're sad, or if you are fed up with all of it, why not try putting down the heavy load you've been carrying? Why not try dropping judgment for a minute? See what opens up, you may just have a minute of peace. If you don't like the result you can pick it up again anytime. You have nothing to lose. 

 Peace is what I am after and I know it starts with me. 

With love and gratitude, 

Pam